Growing Pains
by Killedbyhotpants
Summary: Dr. Strangeglove is turned into a baby version of himself (probably the result of a run-in with Elder Furi). Sweet Tooth proves that they would make an awful parent.
1. Part 1

Sweet Tooth glared across the room at a blank wall, giving up all attempts to concentrate on the work laid out on the table before them. Hanging onto their right leg was a small but very loud infant, who had not stopped crying for nearly an hour, and kept tugging on Sweet Tooth's hand for attention. It was _i__mpossible_ to get anything done with this kid crying on and on, and Sweet Tooth couldn't get rid of him until after these plans were complete. The whole situation really wasn't fair.

—-

When the CLONC leader brought the situation to everyone's attention, most of them had a good laugh over it. It was safe to say that nobody was a huge fan of Strangeglove at this point, and few felt the least bit sorry for him - especially given the funny nature of his misfortune. Sweet Tooth's snickering, however, was quickly cut short.

"As you are technically Dr. Strangeglove's sidekick, Sweet Tooth," The CLONC leader announced gravely, "It will be your responsibility to return him to normal, and to care for him in the meantime."

Sweet Tooth was far from pleased, but they were not dumb enough to refuse.

—-

So, here they were. Sweet Tooth had to take care of a baby-version of the Doctor,_and_ find a way to turn him back to normal. And the baby was making neither job easy.

Sweet Tooth pulled the infant off their leg, and held him at arm's length, trying to figure out what to do now. The baby looked very much like he was just a shrunk-down version of the adult Strangeglove: the only obvious differences were the lack of mustache, and the fact that both of his gloves were now white. And, of course, there was the constant crying.

The first method Sweet Tooth had employed to keep Strangeglove occupied had kept him blessedly quiet for hours, but that wasn't really an option anymore.

—-

"All right, kid, you just play with that, and I'll figure out a way to fix you. Easy as pie!" Adjusting their hypnoblaster to a low setting, Sweet Tooth simply handed it over to the baby.

Sweet Tooth grinned and mentally congratulated themself on the clever plan.

And it _had_ worked, at least at first. The infant was quite engrossed with the hypnoblaster, sometimes playing with it and gurgling happily, but mostly just staring at the mesmerizing twirling spirals.

But, after a while, the hypnotic effect started to wear off slightly, and Strangeglove took to putting the hypnoblaster in his mouth and sucking on it. Sweet Tooth pulled it away multiple times, and attempted to give Strangeglove a severe talk on how it was not permissible to drool on their trademark weapon. But Strangeglove simply whined and made grabby hands in a "give that back or I'm gonna pitch a huge fuss" manner.

When Strangeglove took to banging the device against the floor, though, it suddenly occurred to Sweet Tooth that allowing a baby to play with a weapon capable of knocking someone unconscious (or knocking their teeth out…) if the setting was changed was perhaps not the best idea. Especially if, when Strangeglove returned to normal, he happened to remember that Sweet Tooth had let him play with a potentially dangerous weapon.

—-

But now, Sweet Tooth wondered if dealing with an angry adult Strangeglove was really that much worse than dealing with a fussy baby Strangeglove. He hadn't stopped crying since Sweet Tooth had taken the hypnoblaster away from him - amazingly, he had managed to become even louder an insistent over time. And any other colorful/shiny objects given to him had been promptly thrown across the room.

Still holding the squirming baby at arm's length, Sweet Tooth attempted to resolve the issue through dialogue. "What's wrong with you?" Sweet Tooth asked exasperatedly, "What do you want? Are you tired? Hungry? Dying of internal injuries?" Sweet Tooth gave the baby a little shake, as if expecting to hear something rattling around inside him.

"Hun-y." Strangeglove said, between sobs and sniffles.

"…Honey…?… Oh! Hungry? You _are_ hungry? What! I just fed you, like…" Sweet Tooth glanced at the clock. Had it really been four… Wait, five hours? Jeez, time flies when you are being psychologically tortured by an infant.

But that was ok. Because Sweet Tooth had thought of another great way to distract baby Strangeglove, without putting him in immediate physical danger.

"Just one second, kid." Sweet Tooth sat the still-crying Strangeglove down on the floor.

—-

Ten minutes later, Strangeglove was no longer crying. He was surrounded by mounds of various sweets, all piled up around him: chocolate and cookies, cupcakes and marshmallows, fudge and gummy candies. Making delighted little gurgling sounds, Strangeglove grabbed a handful of icing from one of the cupcakes, and smooshed it in his face.

"Haha, great, have fun with that." Sweet Tooth sat back down to work. Soon their headache finally began to fade, and they started to hope that they would actually get something accomplished this afternoon.

Those hopes were crushed less than fifteen minutes later.

It turned out that when baby Strangeglove was on a sugar high, he was somehow even more annoying than when he was upset. One minute he was running around the room on his unsteady legs, the next he was on the ground crying because he fell over a giant candy cane, and Sweet Tooth would have to come comfort him to make him stop wailing - a minute later, he was laughing loudly again, jumping on the couch, ripping papers, untying Sweet Tooth's shoes, pulling on Sweet Tooth's wig….

—-

"I hope you're happy, kid." An extremely frazzled Sweet Tooth slumped in their chair, glaring at baby Strangeglove, who sat under the table whining again. He had apparently burned the sugar out of his system, and he was back to being fussy all over again. "You have successfully kept me from working out a way to get you back to normal. That's one more day you're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you."

Strangeglove whined insistently, reaching up towards them.

"What now?"

Strangeglove reached towards them again, even more insistently.

"Do you want to be held? Is that it?" Sweet Tooth let out a sigh that sounded more like a growl. They picked up the infant, and held him with one arm around his back, the other hooked under his knees. "Happy?"

Strangeglove burped loudly.

"Charming."

Now that he was being held, Strangeglove seemed much calmer. Hopeful that he might fall asleep, Sweet Tooth started gently rubbing Strangeglove's back in what they hoped was a calming way. They also tried rocking the chair they were sitting in slowly backwards and forwards with one foot.

It worked. Strangeglove wrapped his arms around Sweet Tooth's neck, and his breathing got slower and deeper, until at last he seemed to be sound asleep.

Overjoyed, Sweet Tooth slowly and carefully walked across the room, got a blanket out of a closet (carefully balancing the baby with one arm), and laid it on the couch. The problem came when they tried to get the infant off them. Between the hold he had on Sweet Tooth's neck, and all the sticky syrupy stuff on both Strangeglove and Sweet Tooth - which practically glued them together - Sweet Tooth couldn't seem to peel the baby away from them.

"Oh… Fudge it." Sweet Tooth grumbled, lying down on the couch themself and pulling the blanket over both them and Strangeglove, "I could use a nap, too."


	2. Part 2

Note: This isn't so much a second chapter as much as it is a connected story, but I thought I would post it as if it were a chapter since the first short story pretty much lays the groundwork for it (it's also my last little story related to this topic). I hope you enjoy it.

Lavender was starting to feel uneasy, even though he couldn't understand why.

The ride here had been fun. Pretty lights and colors had zoomed past, and the wind made the corners of his coat blow around in a funny way. He had been giggling throughout the whole experience.

But now, the sticky monster who smelled nice was carrying him down a hallway, and even though it wasn't a dark or scary place, something about it made him feel bad. Soon they were in a big room with high tables and chairs. The sticky monster held him for a while longer, pacing around the room, but then settled on sitting Lavender down on the floor.

They started to walk out of the room, stopped short as if struck by a thought, then returned.

"Ok, I don't know if you're gonna to remember any of this later," They addressed Lavender very seriously, "But for the record, I'm just getting stuff I need to build something that will turn you back to normal. And the _only_ reason I'm leaving you here is because you'll mess around with stuff and probably break something if I take you with me. Ok? I'll even show you the stuff I take out of your lab before we go. I don't want any accusations when you can talk again."

Lavender looked up at the monster with sad confusion. He whimpered and raised his arms towards them, wanting to be held again.

"I'll be _right back_, ok Strangeglove?"

And with that, they quickly left.

Now alone, Lavender looked around the room, still whimpering. He could see glittering glass things filled with brightly colored liquids, and weird metal things resting on the high tables, probably just barely out of reach. Normally Lavender would want to investigate them further, but for whatever reason, the sight of them made him feel very sad. They seemed to remind him of something. They gave him a vague sense that something wasn't fair - although he didn't know what. But he wanted that feeling to go away. His whimpers turned to sobs, which turned to wails. He had a vague sense that somebody was supposed to come comfort him, and when nobody did that made him feel so sad he could barely stand it.

—-

Fishlips wasn't sure exactly what he should do.

He had a sense, somehow, that this little kid was his boss. He didn't know how he knew that, or how exactly the boss had wound up like this. But, he could tell that the boss was in distress, and it was Fishlips' duty to help however he could. He didn't know what the right way to go about this was, but he certainly had to try.

Hesitantly, Fishlips hopped over to Strangeglove, stopping near his left hand resting on the floor.

"Uh… Um… Hi, boss. You ok?" He leaned against Strangeglove's hand in a way that was supposed to be comforting, looking up at him with genuine concern.

—-

Lavender stopped crying, though he still gave a little hiccup-y sob now and then. He was suddenly very interested in the pink and green circle, both because of its bright colors, and how oddly calming its croaky voice was.

Lavender put a hand on top of the circle's head, and ruffled its hair just to see what that hair felt like. The circle smiled up at him, and kept saying things that Lavender did not understand but which sounded nice. Lavender sniffled, his tears drying up. The circle's big green lips caught his eye, and he tried to grag at them - none too gently. The circle winced a little, but immediately smiled up at Lavender as soon as its lips were free again. Before Lavender pulled his hand away, the circle planted a big, silly kiss on Lavender's palm. He giggled, and picked the circle up like a much-beloved stuffed animal.

—-

Soon other glumps approached with the same intention as Fishlips. They saw that their boss had been upset and wanted to make him happy, but didn't know how to do that, aside from just being close to him. So they gathered around Strangeglove, many leaning against him in a way that could be considered an approximation of a hug, some piling up on top of each other in the process.

—-

Sweet Tooth came out of the main lab carrying a large bag filled with devices, various mechanical parts, and carefully packed vials of different concoctions. They started to panic when they didn't spot Strangeglove immediately, but they soon realized that his disappearance probably had something to do with the large pile of glumps in the middle of the floor.

"For gobb's sake!" Sweet Tooth pulled the giggling baby out of the pile of glumps, "Don't smother the poor guy!"

Sweet Tooth surveyed Strangeglove with exasperation. They noted that he was hugging Fishlips tightly, and that he looked happier than Sweet Tooth had seen him since being turned into a baby.

Sweet Tooth sighed, looking down at the glumps still on the floor.

"Ok. A few of you can come with me. You guys are officially the new baby-Strangeglove-babysitters."


End file.
